So, you’ve gone full Alice-in-Wonderland-meets-Ken-Kesey, and what was supposed to be a chill voyage into fractalland has turned into a cosmic game of emotional dodgeball. Maybe you’re six hours into staring at a popcorn ceiling that’s developed a personality, or perhaps you’ve accidentally unlocked the secret meaning of existence. Whatever the case, sometimes you just need to dial it back. Here’s your no-BS guide to grounding your astral self when the shrooms decide to take the wheel.
TL;DR: The Shrooms gon' Shroom, but you’ve got options:
- Change your setting
- Ground your senses
- Hydrate,
- Distract, and breathe.
And remember: No trip lasts forever. Even bad ones end with a story you’ll laugh about later—preferably over vegan nachos.
1. Change Your Scenery Like a TikTok Feed
First rule of psychedelic club: Your environment is your dealer. If the vibes in your current space feel like a Tim Burton film directed by a caffeinated raccoon, MOVE. Swap the neon LED strip lights for a dim lamp. Step outside (if safe) and let the moon hit your eyeballs. Nature doesn’t judge, and grass feels like a cheat code for reality. Pro tip: If you’re trapped indoors, throw on a YouTube video of a lava lamp or a campfire. Your brain will latch onto it like a life raft.
2. Ctrl+Alt+Delete Your Brain with the 5-4-3-2-1 Hack
Grounding isn’t just for witches and electrical outlets. Use the 5-4-3-2-1 technique: Name 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, 1 thing you taste.
Yes, it sounds like kindergarten homework, but it forces your prefrontal cortex to stop doomscrolling through the multiverse. Grab a fuzzy blanket, sniff a citrus peel, or lick a salt block. Suddenly, you’re a human again—not a sentient mycelium network.
3. Hydrate (But Skip the Gatorade)
Shrooms turn your mouth into the Sahara, and dehydration amplifies anxiety like a bad DJ drop. Chug water, but slowly—you’re not auditioning for Naked and Afraid. Add electrolytes if you’re sweating like a gym sock. Avoid sugary drinks; they’ll rocket-launch your blood sugar into chaos. Pro move: Suck on ice cubes or freeze juice into popsicles. The cold shocks your system into remembering it’s 202X, not the Paleozoic era.
4. Distract Your Eyeballs with Familiar Nonsense
Your brain is a Netflix algorithm on shrooms—recommending increasingly unhinged “content.” Hijack it. Throw on a comfort show you’ve seen 100 times (Adventure Time, The Office, or Bob’s Burgers). The predictability is a security blanket. No screens? Blast music that feels like a hug (think lo-fi beats or Tame Impala’s less chaotic tracks). Bonus points if you doodle or fidget with a Rubik’s Cube. Give your hands a job so your mind can clock out.
5. Black Pepper: The OG Trip Killer
Science meets witchcraft here: Black pepper contains terpenes like beta-caryophyllene that can mellow a mushroom high. Sniff a peppercorn, chew a few (if you’re brave), or brew a weak tea. It’s not a magic “sober-up” button, but it’s like hitting pause on the existential dread. Just don’t snort it—save that energy for your future TED Talk.
6. Inhale the Good Shit, Exhale the Bad Vibes
Breathing exercises aren’t just for yoga influencers. Try the 4-7-8 method: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8. It triggers your parasympathetic nervous system—aka the “chill the f*** out” reflex. Pair it with humming or mantra repetition (“I am not my thoughts” works, but so does “Taco Tuesday”). Imagine each exhale is a Snapchat streak you’re finally letting die.
7. Phone a Friend Or Get A Trip Sitter
You know that one friend who’s basically a golden retriever in human form? Call them. A reassuring voice can tether you to reality faster than you can say “I’m made of stardust, bro.”
No judgment, just vibes. If they’re with you, have them guide you through a mundane task, like making toast or ranking Star Wars movies. Suddenly, the universe feels smaller and safer.
8. Surrender to the Wave (But Keep a Life Jacket)
Sometimes fighting the trip is like wrestling a greased-up dolphin. Let go. Repeat after us: “This is temporary. I am safe. I will not become one with the couch.” Ride the wave, but keep the above tips as your emergency floaties.