The Raid Heard ‘Round the Mycelium Network
York Regional Police (YRP) just dropped the hammer on Ontario’s most infamous psychedelic supermarket chain, FunGuyz Magic Mushrooms, in a sweep so extra it got its own Narcos-style codename: Project Magic. The haul? A casual $3.5 million in shrooms, DMT, and enough cash to fund a small Burning Man. But the real kicker? Cops are still hunting two suspects allegedly hiding overseas—because nothing says “psychedelic drama” like an international manhunt for mushroom dealers.
By the Numbers: Project Magic’s Trippy Takedown
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💰 $3.5M: Worth of psychedelics seized, including 181kg of dried shrooms, 137kg of psilocybin edibles (gummies, chocolates, et al.), and enough DMT to blast off to Alpha Centauri.
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🔍 29 Raids: Executed across Ontario, netting $450K in cash and $1M in property (RIP to someone’s Lambo dreams).
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👮 15 Charged, 2 on the Run: Including alleged kingpins Mozda Karim (last seen vibing in the UK) and Samer Akila (reportedly chilling in Egypt). Bonus points for charges like “Identity Fraud – Personation”—apparently, selling shrooms requires a secret identity now.
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🍄 78 Charges: Ranging from trafficking to “Possession of Forged Documents” (because even fun guys need fake IDs?).
The Rise and Fall of FunGuyz: A Shroom Opera in Three Acts
Act 1: The Community Snitch
YRP claims this whole saga started with Karen-esque complaints about a FunGuyz store in Thornhill. Because nothing screams “threat to society” like a dispensary slinging mushroom chocolate bars next to a Starbucks.
Act 2: The Raid-a-Thon
Cops weren’t subtle. They hit 29 locations, swiping ATMs (RIP cash-only biz model) and allegedly shuttering FunGuyz’s warehouse. Employees were promised legal support if arrested—allegedly—but with upper management in cuffs, that’s looking shakier than a first-time trip-sitter.
Act 3: The Employee’s Lament
One anonymous worker told reporters she’s “devastated” FunGuyz closed. “I loved educating people about mushrooms,” she said, probably while side-eyeing the Toronto Police Service (TPS) for raiding 8–9 stores a day like it’s Cops: Psychedelic Edition.
The Charges: A Menu of Misdemeanors
FunGuyz’s alleged crew face charges so repetitive they’d put a Grateful Dead drum solo to shame:
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Trafficking Psilocybin (×15)
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Trafficking DMT (×12)
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Possession of Proceeds (Cash) (×10)
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Bonus Round: “Possession for the Purpose of Distributing Methamphetamine” (Hamilton branch, we see you).
Notable Defendants:
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Adam Akila (30, London): Accused of trafficking shrooms and forging docs. Résumé highlight: “Professional Multitasker.”
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Polina Iumanova (32, Hamilton): Allegedly mixed shroom production with meth trafficking. Girlboss or Breaking Bad reboot?
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Thomas Nelson (53, Toronto): Proof that even Boomers can’t resist the siren call of psychedelic capitalism.
The Bigger Picture: Why Cops Hate Fun(gi)
YRP insists this bust “made a significant impact” on Ontario’s shroom scene. But let’s be real: For every FunGuyz they shutter, a Shroomyz pops up downtown. With at least a dozen dispensaries still operating, this is less a war on drugs and more a game of Whack-A-Spore.
The Irony: Psilocybin is a Schedule III drug in Canada which is the same category as mescaline and LSD—but research increasingly touts its mental health benefits. Meanwhile, cops are out here treating mushroom clerks like El Chapo.
The Aftermath: Cash, Cuffs, and Conspiracy Theories
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💸 ATMs Gone Wild: FunGuyz’s cash-only model backfired when cops started confiscating their machines. Pro tip: Venmo for shrooms, anyone?
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🌍 Global Manhunt: Karim (UK) and Akila (Egypt) are now international fugitives. Extradition? More likely extra-difficult outside of the commonwealth, amirite?
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👩⚖️ Legal Gray Zones: FunGuyz’s lawyer, Jack Lloyd (a cannabis attorney legend), is probably drafting a “Shrooms: Not a Crime, Actually” memo as we speak.
What’s Next? Schroomyz’s Turn?
With FunGuyz gone, Schroomyz—Ontario’s second-largest shroom chain may be sweating. Their downtown Toronto locations are basically holding a freshly sprouted “RAID ME” sign. But hey, at least they’ll look good in mugshots.